1. yungbussy:

    a legend

    (via b-a-s-tille)

     

  2. untilyourbreathingst0ps:

    pearls:

    pearls:

    i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

    sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

    ive seen this post umpteen times and ive always thought that if you switched u and i around it wouldn’t make sense like “u touched a” and i literally just realised you meant duck and not dick i swear to god i am the biggest fucking idiot.

    (Source: gingerbreadlou, via b-a-s-tille)

     

  3. turbanaroo:

    Bold what’s true about you

    I am under 18.
    I am a cuddler.
    I am a morning person.
    I am an only child.
    I am currently in my “pajamas”.
    I am currently pregnant.
    I am left handed.
    l am right handed.
    I am ambidextrous.
    I am a little shy around the opposite sex.
    I bite my nails.
    I can be paranoid at times.
    I enjoy folk music.
    I enjoy smoothies.
    I enjoy talking on the phone.
    I have a car.
    I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
    I have a hidden talent.
    I have a pet.
    I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.
    I have all my grandparents.
    I have been to another country.
    I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
    I have or had broken a bone.
    I have caller I.D. on my phone. 
    I have bathed someone. 
    I have changed a diaper.
    I have changed a lot over the past year.
    I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
    I have had major/minor surgery.
    I have killed another person.
    I have had my hair cut within the last week.
    I have mood swings.
    I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
    I have rejected someone before.
    I like the taste of blood.
    I like Michael Jackson.
    I love sleeping.
    I love to shop.
    I own 100 CDs or more.
    I own and use a library card.
    I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
    I sleep a lot during the day.
    I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
    I work at a job that I enjoy.
    I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
    I am wearing socks.
    I am tired.
    I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
    I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

    I have/had:
    Finished college. 
    Smoked cigarettes.
    Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
    Collected something really stupid.
    Gone to a concert.
    Helped someone.
    Spun turn tables.
    Watched four movies in one night.
    Been broken up with.
    Taken a college level course.
    Been in a car accident.
    Been in a tornado.
    Watched someone die.
    Been to a funeral.
    Burned yourself. 
    Ran a marathon.
    Your parents got divorced.
    Cried yourself to sleep.
    Spent over $200 in one day. 
    Cheated on someone.
    Been cheated on.
    Written a 10 page letter. 
    Had a best friend.
    Lost someone you loved.
    Skipped school.
    Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.
    Stolen books from the library.
    Fired a gun. 
    Been in a school play.
    Been fired from a job.
    Taken a lie detector test.
    Swum with dolphins.
    Written poetry. 
    Read more than 20 books a year.
    Gone to Europe.
    Loved someone you couldn’t have.
    Used a coloring book over age 12.
    Had surgery.
    Had stitches.
    Taken a taxi.
    Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
    Had a hamster.
    Dyed your hair.
    Had something pierced.
    Gotten straight A’s.
    Been handcuffed.

    My hair is naturally the colour:
    Light brown
    Medium brown
    Dark brown
    Blonde
    Black
    Dirty blond
    Strawberry blond
    Multicoloured
    Red

    My eyes are:
    Brown
    Dark Brown
    Blue
    Green
    Hazel
    Light brown
    Black
    Gray

    People sometimes label me as:
    Slut
    Boyish
    Colorful
    Ugly
    Nerd
    Other

    Some of my biggest fears are:
    Spiders/ insects
    Slimy things
    Dying
    Doctor/Dentist appointments
    Hospitals 
    Needles
    Disease
    Being alone in the dark
    Heights
    Small spaces 
    Oceans
    Large animals
    Small animals 
    Open spaces
    Lightning
    Thunder
    Tornadoes
    Clustered holes
    Bodily fluids
    Corpses

    I have:
    A friend with benefits
    A laptop in my room
    A television in my room
    Good grades 
    My own car
    Parents who are still married
    A dog
    A cat
    A game console

    (Source: lorddildus)

     

  4. iamtheparadoxoflife:

    bunnywith:

    deluxetoaster:

    can we start a club for teenagers who were constantly complimented on their intelligence when they were younger and are now having trouble coping with the realization that they’re actually of average intellect at best

    in elementary school i constantly scored as reading at a college level but then i got to college and suddenly everyone’s reading at college level.

    I HAVE NEVER SEEN A POST THAT SO ACCURATELY DESCRIBES MY LIFE.

    (via youreworsethannicotine)

     
  5. thatguygeorge:

    Shaun Of The Dead.

    Shaun’s morning routine

    Left, before zombies (sorry i said the zed-word).

    Right, after zombies (i said it again!).

    The continuity of this routine is so good. Simon Pegg is awesome.

    (via madasbrendonthinasryan)

     
  6. freshest-tittymilk:

    little-red-riding-cock:

    brispeak:

    Post-It Notes from a Stay-At-Home Dad.

    These were all very entertaining :P

    I love how he calls his wife “permanent roommate”

    lmao at the “percy” one… omg im tainted!

    (Source: lohanofficial, via madasbrendonthinasryan)

     

  7. toodrunktofindanurl:

    toodrunktofindanurl:

    I was bored and collected way too much Frozen stickers, so I put them kind of everywhere in my appartment and since I’m living with two guys I just 

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    now they have a little Hans staring lovingly at their wee-wee when they are peeing, I hope they’ll like it.

    They are yelling at me. They like it.

    (via buttsexneverdies)

     
  8.  
  9. (Source: rooneymara, via louisssunshine)

     
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  11. totally-bairee:

    this actually makes me laugh so hard and its not even funny to sane people

    (Source: tumboy, via buttsexneverdies)

     

  12. I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside…

    the-angels-take-asgard:

    avis-meum:

    thatsnotwatyourmomsaid:

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    I would marry this man

    guys we broke another post because this one’s not showing any notes

    (via buttsexneverdies)

     
  13. fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

    saltheria:

    yeffyaboyuice:

    mythchief:

    So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

    I get naked.

    FULL naked.

    REAL naked.

    I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

    No cookies. Blatant nudity.

    That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

    And there it was.

    This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

    Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

    “Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

    Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

    As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

    This was, nearly, one of those.

    If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

    My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

    I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

    “WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

    And inquiries such as:

    “AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

    Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

    That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

    An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

    OMG ITS BACK

    This shit needs to be published.

    This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

    (via youreworsethannicotine)

     
  14. johnlockanddestielatemysoul:

    christianmakesjokes:

    hello yes, I would like to purchase one night stand.

    cAN WE ALL JUST PAUSE AND APPRECIATE THIS PUN

    (via buttsexneverdies)

     

  15. pls

    1. 1. Last kiss
    2. 2. Last phone call
    3. 3. Last text message
    4. 4. Last song you listened to
    5. 5. Last time you cried
    6. HAVE YOU EVER:
    7. 6. Dated someone twice
    8. 7. Been cheated on
    9. 8. Self harmed
    10. 9. Lost someone special
    11. 10. Been depressed
    12. 11. Been drunk and threw up
    13. THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
    14. 12. had sex
    15. 13. How many people have you had sex with this year?
    16. 15. Made a new friend
    17. 17. Laughed until you cried
    18. 18. Met someone who changed you
    19. 19. Found out who your true friends were
    20. 20. Found out someone was talking about you
    21. 26. What did you do for your last Birthday
    22. 27. What time did you wake up today
    23. 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for
    24. 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time
    25. 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life
    26. 32. What are you listening to right now
    27. 33. When is the last time you had sex?
    28. 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now
    29. 35. Most visited webpage
    30. 36. Favorite colour
    31. 37. Nicknames
    32. 38. Relationship Status
    33. 39. Zodiac sign
    34. 40. Male or female
    35. 41. Primary school
    36. 42. Secondary School
    37. 43. High school/college
    38. 44. Eye color
    39. 46. Height
    40. 47. Do you have a crush on someone
    41. 48. What do you like about yourself
    42. 49. Piercings
    43. 50. Tattoos
    44. 51. Righty or lefty
    45. FIRSTS:
    46. 53. First piercing
    47. 54. First best friend
    48. 55. First hookup
    49. 56. First Bestfriend
    50. RIGHT NOW:
    51. 59. Eating
    52. 60. Drinking
    53. 61. I'm about to
    54. 62. Listening to
    55. 63. Waiting for
    56. YOUR FUTURE:
    57. 64. Want kids?
    58. 65. Get married?
    59. 66. Career
    60. WHICH IS BETTER:
    61. 67. Lips or eyes
    62. 68. Hugs or kisses
    63. 69. Shorter or taller
    64. 70. Older or Younger
    65. 71. Romantic or spontaneous
    66. 72. Nice stomach or nice arms
    67. 73. Sensitive or loud
    68. 74. Hook-up or relationship
    69. HAVE YOU EVER:
    70. 76. Kissed a stranger
    71. 77. Drank hard liquor
    72. 78. Lost glasses/contacts
    73. 79. Had sex
    74. 80. Broken someone's heart
    75. 82. Been arrested
    76. 83. Turned someone down
    77. 84. Cried when someone died
    78. 85. Fallen for a friend
    79. DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
    80. 86. Yourself
    81. 87. Miracles
    82. 88. Love at first sight
    83. 89. Heaven
    84. 90. Santa Clause
    85. 91. Kiss on the first date
    86. 92. Angels
    87. 93. How would you label yourself?
    88. 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For
    89. 95. Did you sing today
    90. 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About
    91. 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
    92. 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For
    93. 99. Are you afraid of falling in love?
    94. 100. Do you like the way you look?
    95. Actually ask me something. Anon or not.